Treat her with the Best Company

proposal of Fatima

I recently attended a wedding, and as the rukhsati began (symbolically, when the wife leaves her parents house, to join her husband in her new home) I found the whole process emotional. This young woman was leaving the safety of her parents to join her husband. She prays he will treat her well, respect her, inspire her, and facilitate her. Her parents pray he will give her the care, concern, and love they did, and provide her with the opportunities they did not, and could not. She is leaving to join another family, with hopes they will treat her well, like their own. I’ve heard many stories, and it begins with managing expectations. Our expectations of each other should be respect, good treatment, and kindness. They can’t revolve around expecting another woman to fit within a mold that has been created for her.

I prayed for her, and I hoped she would be happy in her new home inshaAllah.

I turned around to my husband, and we discussed when I left my parents, and how some men and families don’t fully appreciate *everything* women leave behind. The security, the love, and ability to make mistakes, without feeling judged, or someone looking over their shoulder, especially if they live with their in-laws. For many, the only time they will experience empathy is when their own daughter leaves them, to begin her new life. He will miss the times she made tea for him countless times in a day, or how she would lovingly cook for him. He will miss the laughter, and reminisce the memories they shared together, as father and daughter.

A woman leaves so much behind, and this is one of the reasons the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) emphasised the importance of fulfilling the rights of your wife. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Treat people the way you would love to be treated, and do not treat them the way you would hate to be treated.” Al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr, 15833 (Sahih). When you bring someone in your home, she has to be given the utmost respect, as we would want our own daughters to be treated.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) further emphasised how interference can cause harm, and this applies when other individuals interfere in marriages, whether they are family or friends, he said: “From the perfection of a person’s Islam is his leaving alone what does not concern him.” Sunan al-Tirmidhî and Sunan Ibn Mâjah.

Finally, the union of marriage is a beautiful bond, and the Messenger of Allah as a father advised ‘Ali, his future son-in-law how important his role was when he asked for Fatima (may Allah be pleased with them), he (peace be upon him) said, “She is yours if you treat her with the best company.” Al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr, 3490 (Sahih).

-Written by Alima Ashfaq

Recognize the gift and the Kindness

gift KIndness

Alhamdulillah! Indeed He Knows…Trust Him…

أَلَا يَعْلَمُ مَنْ خَلَقَ وَهُوَ اللَّطِيفُ الْخَبِيرُ
Should not He Who has created know? And He is the Most Kind and Courteous (to His slaves) All-Aware (of everything).

-Al Mulk 67:14-

An Excellent Example of Tolerance & Kindness

Hasan Al-Basri (d. 728 CE) had a neighbor who was a Christian. This neighbor had a toilet on the roof of his apartment and it used to leak through a hole in the roof of Hasan Al-Basri’s apartment.
Hasan placed a bucket beneath the hole to catch the urine that would leak through it and discard the contents at the end of each day.
This continued for 20 years.

Then one day, Hasan fell ill and his

 Christian neighbor came to visit him. When he entered, the neighbor noticed the bucket of urine that was leaking through the hole in his ceiling and asked Hasan astoundingly: “How long have you been tolerating this harm from me?!” Hasan replied: “For 20 years.”

So the Christian neighbor took off his belt (which was the clothing of the Christians during that time) and accepted Islam.
(Hilyah Al-Awliya)

Do we Muslims today tolerate a small inconvenience for a week from our relatives, let alone our neighbors? Even if we kept quiet, it would show up in our attitude and behavior. Hasan Al-Basri not only tolerated it for 20 years, but his behavior was so normal that the neighbor didn’t have any idea of the harm he was causing.
How much tolerance do we show for each other? If we do something good once in a while for our neighbor or relative, we mention that and brag about it a hundred times. And if we suffer harm, regardless if it was intentional or not, we would point out that mistake and the harm we suffered several times more.

The above example of one of our early scholars of Islam is worth contemplating about. His behavior and manners with his neighbor, who was not even a Muslim, is a wake-up call for Muslims in the 21st century on how far we have strayed from Islamic teachings.

This is an Excellent Example of Sincerity of Intention. Such superior level of manners can be achieved when one does deeds only for the sake of Allah alone. This incident is an example of Ikhlas Insha Allah. For 20 years Hasan tolerated this secretly, without letting anyone know about it.
Allah knows best about Hasan’s heart, but it appears he did this purely for Allah’s sake, hoping for His reward alone, so the fruit too was sweet – the man embraced Islam.

“And who is better in speech than one who invites to Allah and does righteousness and says, “Indeed, I am of the Muslims.” (Surah al Fussilat 33)

May Allah guide us to take a lesson from this excellent story!